Slow, the art of fear
Ripe againt all failing
In these sheltered years
I escape from this cruel world!

Chose to domineer
Thrive against all failing.
Are these wretched tears
Just remains of my ruined worth?

You'll never save me again!
Reanimate me again!

Into the grave, with all the sins that you create...
Into the fray, with all the sickness you'll remain!

- Requiem, Paradise Lost


My last entry was a year ago.

So much has changed since then. So much hasn't. And such is life.

Insh'allah, by this time next year... well, that's a whole other conversation not meant for the general internet audience. Lets just say I have goals to reach, and for the first time in a long time I feel passionate about them. Damn the 'recession', throttles to full and all guns ahead, time on target!

I've been mostly lurking on the site, occasionally touching up photos and putting occasional shots up. So many to go through on the digital and the film front, but little will to put the time in. Several things to blame, none of them good reasons, beyond simply not being all that interested for a while.

My trip to France & England, as last referred to, occurred, and with it pivotal moments. For better or worse, a year later, I still can't say.

Few, very few, pictures taken this year. No films, for the first time since... I don't know when. 94? 95? Well, since I've had access to *a* camera anyway. (Didn't actually own one after an... ahem... 'incident' in my 2nd year at university in '97 (hooray for stupid university antics!) But my then-gf and her sisters let me use theirs on occasion, so I haven't had too long without *anything*, maybe six months max)

Boil it down, and the drive to shoot just hasn't been there. Not much in the area that I want to shoot, haven't already, or others do better than I ever could (that means you *tfavretto and *Tonsatz! )

Can't put my finger on why, but there it is.

I have pulled out the equipment a few times this year, but only the digital. As anyone who looks can see, yes, I've had a few decent shots. And more I haven't posted. One of those "I'll get around to it" things. Bought some new equipment (thanks =KasK!), haven't tried it out yet but planning to.

Anyway, a trip is planned for October-November. First, Metallica in Toronto on Oct 26. Been stoked about it for months, and the nice headbang hairdo has been coming along nicely. The next day, board a plane fore.... Australia. Sweet seat sale on Air Canada = round trip airfare for <$2000. Couldn't pass that up, its one of the top three locations I've wanted to see for years.

Should be good, I'm looking forward to it. Not enough time, only two weeks, but it should do. There are four things I want to do, but only time for two. We'll see what happens... planning ahead for a trip... so unlike me

I hope to recapture the magic of the camera again while I'm there. Its been too long. There are so many wonderful photographers and models in Aussieland that I watch and occasionally talk to on the site... I'm hoping to maybe get in touch with a few and possibly hook something up while I'm there. If not getting together, at least some advice on where to go, things to avoid, what's worth shooting, etc.

Two trips planned for next year, London UK for one of my best friend's wedding, and Bermuda for the afterparty. (Finally taking up that invitation, its only been thirteen years old!). Should be a fine mess , and unlike last time, a chance to explore London.

Anyway, time to head out & anjoy one of the handful of 'summer' nights we've had this year.

May the Stone shade your path,
B.


Come inside and be afraid
Of this impressive mess I've made
If you take a look now you will find:
I have thrown away my prize,
Done away with paradise.
See what's going on inside my mind!

Please let me out.
Please let me out.
Please let me....

Howling like an animal!
I can still feel the burning in my mind.
I do believe that you made your message clear!
(I think I'm losing my mind,
I think I'm losing my...)

Dominating, decimating all that I feel
Leaving me seeing images I know are not real
... Are those words of condemnation that I hear?
(I think I'm losing my mind,
I think I'm losing my...)

Come inside now, I implore
Do you think you can restore
The crucial pieces missing from my brain?
What seems to be the matter dear?
Why do you cry and shake with fear?
I've only had the best of me insane.....

Please let me out.
Please let me out.
Please let me...

Howling like an animal!
I can still feel the burning in my mind.
I do believe that you made your message clear!
(I think I'm losing my mind,
I think I'm losing my...)

Dominating, decimating all that I feel
Leaving me seeing images I know are not real
... Are those words of condemnation that I hear?
(I think I'm losing my mind,
I think I'm losing my...)

[spoken]
Don't know how much I can take
Secret thoughts inside me wake
I've lost what was within me
Oh, sweet insanity...

Now I try again to find
The thing that was my mind
Behold, the other side
Who said I lost my mind!

- Perfect Insanity, Disturbed